by | | recovery
When someone is struggling with an eating disorder, it can feel confusing – even frustrating – when behaviors don’t change, motivation is low, or the eating disorder voice feels louder than logic.
Here’s the truth:
Eating disorders don’t just affect your body. They change your brain.
Understanding what’s happening neurologically can bring compassion, reduce shame, and explain why recovery takes time – and consistent nourishment.
1. Your Brain Runs on Food
Your brain uses about 20% of your body’s energy. When you’re restricting food, purging, or not getting enough nutrition, the brain doesn’t have the fuel it needs to function properly.
When the brain is under-fueled:
- Concentration drops
- Decision-making becomes harder
- Memory and focus suffer
- Mood becomes unstable
- Anxiety and depression increase
This isn’t weakness or lack of willpower.
This is a starved brain trying to survive.
2. Starvation Strengthens the Eating Disorder Self
When the brain is malnourished, survival instincts take over. The brain becomes more rigid, obsessive, and fear-based.
You may notice:
- Constant thoughts about food, weight, or body
- Black-and-white thinking (“I already messed up, so it doesn’t matter”)
- Increased perfectionism
- Strong fear of weight gain
- Difficulty seeing the bigger picture
This is why insight alone isn’t enough.
Nutrition is the first step in quieting the eating disorder self.
3. Anxiety and Fear Circuits Become Overactive
Malnutrition affects the brain’s fear center (the amygdala) and emotional regulation system.
As a result:
- Eating feels dangerous instead of safe
- Fullness may trigger panic
- Body changes feel threatening
- Social situations involving food feel overwhelming
The brain begins to associate food and weight restoration with danger – even though nourishment is what it actually needs to heal.
This is why recovery often feels scary before it feels better.
4. Your Brain Becomes More Rigid
Eating disorders thrive on routine, rules, and control. Malnutrition reinforces this rigidity.
You may experience:
- Difficulty being flexible with food
- Strong attachment to rituals or “safe” meals
- Distress when plans change
- All-or-nothing thinking
As the brain becomes nourished again, flexibility and perspective return.
5. Mood Changes Are Neurological – Not Personal
Low nutrition affects neurotransmitters like serotonin and dopamine, which regulate mood and motivation.
This can lead to:
- Irritability
- Emotional numbness
- Depression
- Loss of interest in things you once enjoyed
- Low motivation for recovery
Many clients worry:
“Why don’t I even care about getting better?”
Often, the answer is simple:
Your brain needs fuel before motivation can come back.
6. The Good News: The Brain Heals
One of the most hopeful truths about recovery is this:
The brain is incredibly resilient.
With consistent nourishment and behavior change:
- Obsessive thoughts decrease
- Anxiety lowers
- Mood stabilizes
- Flexibility returns
- Motivation improves
- The eating disorder voice gets quieter
But this healing doesn’t happen overnight.
It happens through:
- Eating consistently (even when it feels hard)
- Reducing eating disorder behaviors
- Repetition and patience
- Support and accountability
Recovery is not just emotional work.
It’s neurological healing.
7. Why Support Matters
When the brain is under-fueled, it’s harder to make recovery decisions alone. That’s why support from a treatment team, therapist, dietitian, and recovery coach can be so important.
Sometimes you need someone to help you:
- Eat when your brain says not to
- Challenge distorted thoughts
- Stay consistent when motivation is low
- Borrow hope until your brain heals enough to hold it on its own
Because recovery isn’t about trying harder.
It’s about helping your brain get healthy enough to choose differently.
Final Thoughts
If you’re struggling, please know:
- You are not broken
- You are not weak
- You are not failing
Your brain is responding to starvation and survival.
And the path forward isn’t shame or more control.
The path forward is nourishment, consistency, and support.
Because when your brain heals, everything else gets easier.
Recovery isn’t just changing your behaviors.
It’s helping your brain come back to life.
by | | recovery
If you’re in eating disorder recovery, you’ve probably noticed something frustrating:
You can be deeply committed to healing… and still feel lost when you wake up in the morning.
Recovery is not one giant decision.
It’s hundreds of tiny daily choices that slowly teach your nervous system, body, and brain that you are safe.
That’s where daily recovery goals come in.
Not goals to be “good.”
Not goals to control your body.
But goals to support your healing.
Why Daily Goals Matter in Recovery
Your eating disorder thrives on:
• chaos
• all-or-nothing thinking
• emotional overwhelm
• self-punishment
Daily recovery goals do the opposite. They create:
• structure
• predictability
• safety
• accountability
When you wake up with clear intentions, you don’t have to negotiate with the ED voice all day.
You already know what matters.
What Makes a Good Recovery Goal?
A healing goal is:
✔ behavior-based
✔ realistic
✔ repeatable
✔ rooted in nourishment and safety
A harmful goal is:
✘ weight-focused
✘ number-driven
✘ perfection-based
✘ fueled by fear
Recovery is built on what you do — not what you weigh.
Examples of Powerful Daily Recovery Goals
These are the kinds of goals I give clients:
1. Nourish My Body
“I will eat 3 meals and 2–3 snacks today.”
Not because I earned it – but because my body requires it.
2. Interrupt One ED Thought
“I will challenge one eating disorder thought with truth.”
Even if I don’t believe the truth yet.
3. Reduce One Compulsion
“I will delay or skip one disordered behavior today.”
Progress is built in moments of pause.
4. Practice Body Neutrality
“I will treat my body with respect – even if I don’t like it today.”
5. Get Support
“I will text my coach, journal, or reach out instead of isolating.”
What If I Don’t Hit My Goals?
This is where recovery is different from dieting.
You don’t fail.
You learn.
If you miss a goal, ask:
• What got in the way?
• Was the goal realistic?
• What support was missing?
Then adjust – with compassion, not punishment.
Why Tiny Goals Heal Faster Than Big Ones
Your nervous system learns through consistency, not intensity.
Eating one more snack today.
Not body-checking for 10 minutes.
Telling the truth instead of restricting.
These moments rewire your brain more than dramatic promises ever will.
A Simple Daily Recovery Template
Each morning, write:
Today I will…
- Nourish my body by __________
- Support my mind by __________
- Protect my recovery by __________
That’s it.
Not perfect.
Just present.
You Don’t Need Motivation – You Need Structure
Most people wait to “feel ready” to recover.
But healing doesn’t start with feelings – it starts with behaviors.
Daily goals give your Healthy Self something to stand on when the ED voice gets loud.
And over time… those tiny steps become a life you actually want to live.
by | | recovery
Body checking is one of the most common – and most misunderstood – behaviors in eating disorder recovery.
It can show up as mirror checking, pinching body parts, mentally scanning your body, or comparing how you look from day to day. And when it continues during recovery, many people assume it means they’re “doing recovery wrong.”
That’s not true.
Body checking in recovery isn’t a failure – it’s a learned fear response.
And with awareness and practice, it can be unlearned.
Why Body Checking Happens in Eating Disorder Recovery
Body checking isn’t about vanity or self-obsession. It’s about control, reassurance, and safety.
For many people, body checking became a coping strategy during an eating disorder – a way to reduce anxiety, monitor change, or feel a sense of certainty. Even after food behaviors improve, the checking habit often lingers because the nervous system is still learning trust.
Understanding this matters, because you don’t stop body checking by shaming yourself.
You stop it by responding differently.
1. Notice Body Checking and Name It
The first step in stopping body checking is awareness.
Most people body check automatically. The moment you notice it, gently name it:
“I’m body checking right now.”
“This is a checking urge.”
No judgment. No analysis.
Naming the behavior creates separation between you and the habit. And that separation is what allows change to happen.
2. Disengage From the Behavior
Once you notice body checking, the next step is disengagement — not debating with the eating disorder.
You don’t need to:
- reassure yourself
- analyze your body
- prove anything has changed
Instead, move into the next neutral activity:
- brushing your teeth
- grabbing your coffee
- answering an email
- leaving the room
Disengagement teaches your brain that body checking is no longer necessary for safety.
3. Use a Mantra to Reduce the Emotional Charge
Body checking often comes with anxiety or urgency. A mantra helps calm the nervous system and interrupt the loop.
One powerful option:
“I choose not to objectify myself right now.”
Other supportive mantras include:
- “My body does not need monitoring.”
- “This thought does not require action.”
- “I return to myself.”
Mantras aren’t about positivity. They’re about grounding and choice.
4. Shift From Judgment to Awareness of Judgment
A key recovery skill is learning to observe thoughts without believing them.
Instead of:
“My stomach looks huge.”
Try:
“I’m noticing that I’m judging my stomach.”
Instead of:
“I hate how my body looks today.”
Try:
“I’m aware that my mind is criticizing my body.”
This shift reduces the power of body image thoughts and builds psychological flexibility – a core part of eating disorder recovery.
How Body Checking Decreases Over Time
Body checking fades as safety increases.
Each time you:
- notice the urge
- disengage without panic
- choose awareness over judgment
you weaken the habit loop.
Progress isn’t about never body checking again. It’s about responding differently when it happens.
A Final Reminder
Your body is not a problem to manage or monitor.
It is not something you have to constantly check in order to be okay.
Learning how to cope with body checking in recovery takes time, consistency, and compassion. And every small interruption of the habit is a step toward freedom.
You are not behind.
You are learning.
And that matters.
by | | recovery
As the calendar turns and the world collectively whispers “New Year, New You,” it can feel like there’s pressure to reinvent yourself overnight. The diet industry roars to life, promising transformation if you just follow their rules. Social media is filled with lists of resolutions that look impossible to obtain rather than anything supportive or sustainable.
But here’s the truth: you don’t need a new you. You need a gentler relationship with the you that’s already here.
And that’s why this year, instead of making resolutions, I want to invite you to make intentions.
Resolutions Are Rigid. Intentions Are Rooted.
Resolutions often sound like:
- “I will stop…”
- “I will finally…”
- “This year I must…”
They tend to be all-or-nothing, fueled by dissatisfaction and self-judgment. And for someone healing their relationship with food, body, or self, rigid goals can echo the same perfectionism your eating disorder once demanded.
Intentions, on the other hand, meet you exactly where you are. They’re rooted in values, not pressure. They guide rather than control. They support growth rather than demand achievement.
Resolutions say:
“You’re not enough – fix it.”
Intentions say:
“What changes can you make to improve on who you are already?”
Why Intentions Support Recovery
Intentions allow for flexibility, self-compassion, and attunement – three qualities that strengthen recovery instead of sabotaging it.
Intentions evolve with you.
If your capacity shifts (because life does that), your intention shifts, too. No failure attached.
Intentions build inner trust.
They encourage tuning inward rather than outsourcing your worth to a checklist.
Intentions dismantle the “start over Monday” trap.
There’s no starting over – only returning, without judgment, to what you care about.
Intentions work with your nervous system, not against it.
Rigid goals activate threat. Intentions activate presence.
How to Create Heart-Centered Intentions for the New Year
Here are prompts to help you move into the new year with clarity instead of criticism:
1. “How do I want to feel this year?”
Grounded? Connected? Peaceful? Nourished? Energized? Supported?
Let your intention rise from the feeling, not the outcome.
2. “What values do I want to live from?”
Joy, rest, courage, honesty, freedom, compassion – choose what aligns with your healing.
3. “What tiny practices move me closer to that?”
Instead of “I’ll stop body checking,” the intention becomes:
“I intend to treat my body with curiosity instead of judgment.”
Instead of “I’ll eat perfectly,” try:
“I intend to nourish myself consistently and gently.”
Instead of “I’ll be confident,” maybe:
“I intend to speak to myself with kindness.”
Small shifts → big change.
Examples of Recovery-Aligned Intentions
- I intend to choose compassion over criticism.
- I intend to come back to myself when I feel overwhelmed.
- I intend to nourish my body without negotiation.
- I intend to rest without guilt.
- I intend to let my worth be inherent, not earned.
- I intend to take up space – emotionally, physically, spiritually.
These are not rules. They are reminders of who you are becoming.
A Final Note: You Don’t Need to Earn a New Year
There is nothing about you that needs to shrink, harden, or start over on January 1st.
Whether you’re actively in recovery, solid in your healing, or somewhere in between, the turning of the year isn’t a test. It’s simply an invitation.
Not to change who you are – but to live more fully in the truth of who you’ve always been.
This year, set intentions that honor your humanity, not resolutions that punish it.
Set goals that breathe.
Set goals that bend.
Set goals that feel like coming home.
by | | recovery
1. Let It Be What It Is — Not What It “Should” Be
Recovery doesn’t require you to have a perfect holiday.
It just asks you to stay connected to yourself.
Give yourself permission to have mixed feelings: joy, grief, nostalgia, overwhelm, excitement.
They can all coexist, and you’re doing nothing wrong.
2. Build in Predictable Nourishment
If holiday meals feel chaotic, create your own internal consistency:
- Stick to your regular eating pattern
- Add snacks between holiday events
- Bring something you enjoy if that helps
Structure supports safety, not restriction.
3. Plan for Triggers (They Don’t Mean You’re Failing)
Holiday triggers are normal:
- Comments about bodies
- Conversations about diets
- Relatives “observing” your plate
- Old family dynamics
Have scripts ready:
- “I’m focusing on being present, not on food talk today.”
- “Let’s talk about something more meaningful.”
- “I’m good, thank you.”
Your boundaries are not rude. They’re self-respect.
4. Choose Moments of Presence
Joy doesn’t have to come from the food or the festivities – it can come from small grounding anchors:
- The smell of pine
- Warm socks
- A laugh from someone you love
- A quiet 2-minute breathing break
- Candlelight
You don’t need to be fully present to enjoy something — micro-moments count.
5. Give Yourself Permission to Participate Without Performing
You don’t need to:
-look a certain way
-eat a certain way
-act extra cheerful
-pretend nothing is hard
You just need to show up as the version of you that can exist today.
That is more than enough.
6. Connect With Your Support System
Before events: “Here’s my plan.”
During: Send a grounding text if things feel overwhelming.
After: Debrief and receive validation.
Recovery thrives in connection – especially during emotionally charged seasons.
7. Make Space for Grief Without Letting It Steal the Show
You might grieve:
- Old traditions tied to the ED
- Lost time
- A body that is changing
- Holidays that once felt easier
Grief is not a step backward — it’s evidence of healing.
8. Create Your Own Traditions (Even Tiny Ones)
When old traditions feel dysregulated, make new ones that feel safe:
- Holiday movie in bed
- Hot cocoa with a friend
- Sending cards
- Night drive to look at lights
- Quiet journaling before the day begins
Recovery allows you to reclaim what holidays feel like for you.
9. Remember: Nourishing Yourself Is Not Indulgence – It’s Care
Food is culturally abundant during the holidays – but recovery asks you to honor nourishment not as a “reward,” but as a basic human need.
You are not doing anything wrong by eating.
You are sustaining your physical and emotional self.
10. Let Joy In — Even If It Feels Small or Brief
You deserve:
– A holiday where your life is bigger than the eating disorder
-A moment of laughter that isn’t guilt-backed
-Warmth, connection, sweetness, presence
-Joy that feels “imperfect” still counts.
So does joy that lasts 30 seconds.
A closing reminder:
You don’t have to enjoy every moment of the holidays to belong here.
Being in recovery during the holidays is brave.
Every choice to nourish yourself, to show up, to rest, to set a boundary, to ask for support –
that is what makes this season meaningful.
