Learning to Sit with Discomfort (Without Running from It)

by | | recovery

If you’re in recovery, you already know this truth:

Discomfort is part of the process.

Not because something is wrong.
Not because you’re failing.
But because you’re doing something different.

And different feels uncomfortable.

Why Discomfort Feels So Intense

For a long time, your eating disorder likely served a purpose.

It helped you:

• Avoid uncomfortable emotions
• Feel in control
• Numb out
• Create certainty in uncertain moments

So when you begin recovery, you’re not just changing behaviors.
You’re removing your primary coping strategy.

Of course discomfort shows up.

It’s not a sign to go backward.
It’s a sign you’re stepping into something new.

The Problem Isn’t Discomfort. It’s Avoidance.

Most of us were never taught how to be with discomfort.

We were taught to:

• Fix it
• Escape it
• Distract from it
• Control it

But here’s the shift recovery asks of you:

What if you didn’t need to get rid of the feeling?
What if you could learn to stay?

Because every time you avoid discomfort, you reinforce the belief:

“I can’t handle this.”

And every time you stay, even just a little longer, you build a new belief:

“I can do hard things.”

What “Sitting with Discomfort” Actually Looks Like

Let’s make this real. It’s not about sitting perfectly still and feeling calm.

It might look like:

• Eating the meal and feeling anxious… and not compensating
• Not checking your body even when the urge is loud
• Letting a thought exist without arguing with it
• Feeling full and resisting the urge to fix it
• Wanting to restrict but choosing nourishment anyway

It’s messy. It’s uncomfortable.
And it’s exactly where growth happens.

A Simple Practice to Try

Next time discomfort shows up, try this:

1. Name it
“I’m feeling anxious.”
“I’m uncomfortable in my body.”

2. Normalize it
“This makes sense. I’m doing something new.”

3. Stay with it
You don’t have to like it. Just don’t run from it.

4. Ground yourself

• Put your hand on your heart
• Take a few slow breaths
• Remind yourself: “I am safe in this moment.”

5. Delay the urge
Tell yourself: “I can act on this later… but not right now.”

(You’ll be surprised how often the intensity passes.)

Discomfort Is Not Dangerous

It feels urgent.
It feels like you need to do something right now.

But feelings are not emergencies.

They rise.
They peak.
They pass.

The more you allow them, the less power they have.

The Truth Most People Don’t Tell You

Learning to sit with discomfort is a skill.

And like any skill, it gets stronger with practice.

You won’t do it perfectly.
You’ll have moments where you go back to old patterns.

That doesn’t erase your progress.

Every time you choose to stay, even for 10 seconds longer than before,
you are rewiring your brain.

A Gentle Reframe

Instead of asking:

“How do I make this feeling go away?”

Try asking:

“How can I support myself while this feeling is here?”

That question changes everything.

Final Thought

Recovery isn’t about becoming someone who never feels discomfort.

It’s about becoming someone who can handle it
without abandoning themselves.

And you can learn that.

One moment at a time.

When Your Eating Disorder Feels Like Your Identity

by | | recovery

(And letting go feels like losing yourself)

If you’ve ever thought…

“I don’t know who I am without this.”
“This is just part of me.”
“If I recover, what will I even have left?”

I want you to know something right away:

You are not alone. And you are not broken for feeling this way.

Because eating disorders don’t just change behaviors.
They shape identity.

How the eating disorder becomes your identity

An eating disorder doesn’t just show up randomly.

It does something for you.

It might make you feel:

• in control
• disciplined
• special
• “good enough”
• safe from emotions
• seen or cared for

Over time, it becomes more than something you do.

It becomes how you define yourself.

Maybe you’re:

• “the disciplined one”
• “the healthy one”
• “the small one”
• “the one who has it together”
• or even “the sick one”

So of course letting it go feels terrifying.

Because it’s not just “giving up behaviors.”
It can feel like losing you.

The part no one talks about: identity grief

Recovery is often painted as this freeing, beautiful thing.

And it is.

But there’s also another side:

Grief.

You might grieve:

• the body you had
• the attention or validation you received
• the sense of purpose
• the structure
• the familiarity

And here’s the truth:

You can miss your eating disorder and still want recovery.

Those two things can exist at the same time.

You are not your eating disorder

This is where we gently start shifting things.

Because even if it feels like your identity…

The eating disorder is something that developed over time, not something you were born as.
It is not who you are.

There is a version of you underneath it.
A version that still exists, even if it feels quiet right now.

Let me ask you this:

• Who were you before the eating disorder got loud?
• What parts of you has it covered up?
• When do you feel even a tiny bit like yourself?

That person is still there.

We’re not creating a new you.

We’re uncovering you.

If you let go… then what?

This is usually the scariest question.

“If I don’t have this… who am I?”

And here’s the answer most people don’t expect:

You don’t have to know yet.

Recovery is not about having your whole identity figured out.

It’s about discovering it… slowly.

Identity isn’t something you think your way into

This is important.

You don’t find yourself by sitting and trying to figure it out.

You find yourself by how you live.

By the small choices you make every day.

By the moments you choose:

• nourishment
• rest
• connection
• honesty
• joy
• discomfort over the eating disorder

Each time you do that, you’re casting a vote for a different version of you.

Start here: small identity shifts

Instead of asking “Who am I?” try this:

“Who am I practicing becoming today?”

Then take one small action that aligns with that.

Examples:

• “I am someone who nourishes my body” → eat consistently
• “I am someone who values connection” → text a friend
• “I am someone who respects my body” → rest without guilt
• “I am someone who is growing” → challenge one ED thought

You don’t need a full identity.

You just need one small step.

A gentle reminder

Recovery is not about losing yourself.

It’s about losing the thing that convinced you
you had to shrink, control, or suffer to be worthy.

And underneath that…

There is so much more of you.

More depth.
More personality.
More freedom.
More life.

Even if you can’t fully see it yet.

If this resonated

I want you to sit with this question:

“If the eating disorder stepped out of my life for one day…
what parts of me might have more room to breathe?”

You don’t have to answer it perfectly.

Just let yourself be curious.

That’s where this begins.

How Eating Disorders Affect Your Brain

by | | recovery

When someone is struggling with an eating disorder, it can feel confusing – even frustrating – when behaviors don’t change, motivation is low, or the eating disorder voice feels louder than logic.

Here’s the truth:

Eating disorders don’t just affect your body. They change your brain.

Understanding what’s happening neurologically can bring compassion, reduce shame, and explain why recovery takes time – and consistent nourishment.

1. Your Brain Runs on Food

Your brain uses about 20% of your body’s energy. When you’re restricting food, purging, or not getting enough nutrition, the brain doesn’t have the fuel it needs to function properly.

When the brain is under-fueled:

• Concentration drops
• Decision-making becomes harder
• Memory and focus suffer
• Mood becomes unstable
• Anxiety and depression increase

This isn’t weakness or lack of willpower.

This is a starved brain trying to survive.

2. Starvation Strengthens the Eating Disorder Self

When the brain is malnourished, survival instincts take over. The brain becomes more rigid, obsessive, and fear-based.

You may notice:

• Constant thoughts about food, weight, or body
• Black-and-white thinking (“I already messed up, so it doesn’t matter”)
• Increased perfectionism
• Strong fear of weight gain
• Difficulty seeing the bigger picture

This is why insight alone isn’t enough.

Nutrition is the first step in quieting the eating disorder self.

3. Anxiety and Fear Circuits Become Overactive

Malnutrition affects the brain’s fear center (the amygdala) and emotional regulation system.

As a result:

• Eating feels dangerous instead of safe
• Fullness may trigger panic
• Body changes feel threatening
• Social situations involving food feel overwhelming

The brain begins to associate food and weight restoration with danger – even though nourishment is what it actually needs to heal.

This is why recovery often feels scary before it feels better.

4. Your Brain Becomes More Rigid

Eating disorders thrive on routine, rules, and control. Malnutrition reinforces this rigidity.

You may experience:

• Difficulty being flexible with food
• Strong attachment to rituals or “safe” meals
• Distress when plans change
• All-or-nothing thinking

As the brain becomes nourished again, flexibility and perspective return.

5. Mood Changes Are Neurological – Not Personal

Low nutrition affects neurotransmitters like serotonin and dopamine, which regulate mood and motivation.

This can lead to:

• Irritability
• Emotional numbness
• Depression
• Loss of interest in things you once enjoyed
• Low motivation for recovery

Many clients worry:
“Why don’t I even care about getting better?”

Often, the answer is simple:

Your brain needs fuel before motivation can come back.

6. The Good News: The Brain Heals

One of the most hopeful truths about recovery is this:

The brain is incredibly resilient.

With consistent nourishment and behavior change:

• Obsessive thoughts decrease
• Anxiety lowers
• Mood stabilizes
• Flexibility returns
• Motivation improves
• The eating disorder voice gets quieter

But this healing doesn’t happen overnight.

It happens through:

• Eating consistently (even when it feels hard)
• Reducing eating disorder behaviors
• Repetition and patience
• Support and accountability

Recovery is not just emotional work.

It’s neurological healing.

7. Why Support Matters

When the brain is under-fueled, it’s harder to make recovery decisions alone. That’s why support from a treatment team, therapist, dietitian, and recovery coach can be so important.

Sometimes you need someone to help you:

• Eat when your brain says not to
• Challenge distorted thoughts
• Stay consistent when motivation is low
• Borrow hope until your brain heals enough to hold it on its own

Because recovery isn’t about trying harder.

It’s about helping your brain get healthy enough to choose differently.

Final Thoughts

If you’re struggling, please know:

• You are not broken
• You are not weak
• You are not failing

Your brain is responding to starvation and survival.

And the path forward isn’t shame or more control.

The path forward is nourishment, consistency, and support.

Because when your brain heals, everything else gets easier.

Recovery isn’t just changing your behaviors.
It’s helping your brain come back to life.

Setting Daily Goals for Eating Disorder Recovery That Work

by | | recovery

If you’re in eating disorder recovery, you’ve probably noticed something frustrating:
You can be deeply committed to healing… and still feel lost when you wake up in the morning.

Recovery is not one giant decision.
It’s hundreds of tiny daily choices that slowly teach your nervous system, body, and brain that you are safe.

That’s where daily recovery goals come in.

Not goals to be “good.”
Not goals to control your body.
But goals to support your healing.

Why Daily Goals Matter in Recovery

Your eating disorder thrives on:
• chaos
• all-or-nothing thinking
• emotional overwhelm
• self-punishment

Daily recovery goals do the opposite. They create:
• structure
• predictability
• safety
• accountability

When you wake up with clear intentions, you don’t have to negotiate with the ED voice all day.
You already know what matters.

What Makes a Good Recovery Goal?

A healing goal is:
✔ behavior-based
✔ realistic
✔ repeatable
✔ rooted in nourishment and safety

A harmful goal is:
✘ weight-focused
✘ number-driven
✘ perfection-based
✘ fueled by fear

Recovery is built on what you do — not what you weigh.

Examples of Powerful Daily Recovery Goals

These are the kinds of goals I give clients:

1. Nourish My Body

“I will eat 3 meals and 2–3 snacks today.”
Not because I earned it – but because my body requires it.

2. Interrupt One ED Thought

“I will challenge one eating disorder thought with truth.”
Even if I don’t believe the truth yet.

3. Reduce One Compulsion

“I will delay or skip one disordered behavior today.”
Progress is built in moments of pause.

4. Practice Body Neutrality

“I will treat my body with respect – even if I don’t like it today.”

5. Get Support

“I will text my coach, journal, or reach out instead of isolating.”

What If I Don’t Hit My Goals?

This is where recovery is different from dieting.

You don’t fail.
You learn.

If you miss a goal, ask:
• What got in the way?
• Was the goal realistic?
• What support was missing?

Then adjust – with compassion, not punishment.

Why Tiny Goals Heal Faster Than Big Ones

Your nervous system learns through consistency, not intensity.

Eating one more snack today.
Not body-checking for 10 minutes.
Telling the truth instead of restricting.

These moments rewire your brain more than dramatic promises ever will.

A Simple Daily Recovery Template

Each morning, write:

Today I will…

1. Nourish my body by __________
2. Support my mind by __________
3. Protect my recovery by __________

That’s it.

Not perfect.
Just present.

You Don’t Need Motivation – You Need Structure

Most people wait to “feel ready” to recover.
But healing doesn’t start with feelings – it starts with behaviors.

Daily goals give your Healthy Self something to stand on when the ED voice gets loud.

And over time… those tiny steps become a life you actually want to live.

How to Cope With Body Checking in Eating Disorder Recovery

by | | recovery

Body checking is one of the most common – and most misunderstood – behaviors in eating disorder recovery.

It can show up as mirror checking, pinching body parts, mentally scanning your body, or comparing how you look from day to day. And when it continues during recovery, many people assume it means they’re “doing recovery wrong.”

That’s not true.

Body checking in recovery isn’t a failure – it’s a learned fear response.
And with awareness and practice, it can be unlearned.

Why Body Checking Happens in Eating Disorder Recovery

Body checking isn’t about vanity or self-obsession. It’s about control, reassurance, and safety.

For many people, body checking became a coping strategy during an eating disorder – a way to reduce anxiety, monitor change, or feel a sense of certainty. Even after food behaviors improve, the checking habit often lingers because the nervous system is still learning trust.

Understanding this matters, because you don’t stop body checking by shaming yourself.
You stop it by responding differently.

1. Notice Body Checking and Name It

The first step in stopping body checking is awareness.

Most people body check automatically. The moment you notice it, gently name it:

“I’m body checking right now.”
“This is a checking urge.”

No judgment. No analysis.

Naming the behavior creates separation between you and the habit. And that separation is what allows change to happen.

2. Disengage From the Behavior

Once you notice body checking, the next step is disengagement — not debating with the eating disorder.

You don’t need to:

• reassure yourself
• analyze your body
• prove anything has changed

Instead, move into the next neutral activity:

• brushing your teeth
• grabbing your coffee
• answering an email
• leaving the room

Disengagement teaches your brain that body checking is no longer necessary for safety.

3. Use a Mantra to Reduce the Emotional Charge

Body checking often comes with anxiety or urgency. A mantra helps calm the nervous system and interrupt the loop.

One powerful option:

“I choose not to objectify myself right now.”

Other supportive mantras include:

• “My body does not need monitoring.”
• “This thought does not require action.”
• “I return to myself.”

Mantras aren’t about positivity. They’re about grounding and choice.

4. Shift From Judgment to Awareness of Judgment

A key recovery skill is learning to observe thoughts without believing them.

Instead of:
“My stomach looks huge.”

Try:
“I’m noticing that I’m judging my stomach.”

Instead of:
“I hate how my body looks today.”

Try:
“I’m aware that my mind is criticizing my body.”

This shift reduces the power of body image thoughts and builds psychological flexibility – a core part of eating disorder recovery.

How Body Checking Decreases Over Time

Body checking fades as safety increases.

Each time you:

• notice the urge
• disengage without panic
• choose awareness over judgment

you weaken the habit loop.

Progress isn’t about never body checking again. It’s about responding differently when it happens.

A Final Reminder

Your body is not a problem to manage or monitor.
It is not something you have to constantly check in order to be okay.

Learning how to cope with body checking in recovery takes time, consistency, and compassion. And every small interruption of the habit is a step toward freedom.

You are not behind.
You are learning.
And that matters.