Body checking is one of the most common – and most misunderstood – behaviors in eating disorder recovery.
It can show up as mirror checking, pinching body parts, mentally scanning your body, or comparing how you look from day to day. And when it continues during recovery, many people assume it means they’re “doing recovery wrong.”
That’s not true.
Body checking in recovery isn’t a failure – it’s a learned fear response. And with awareness and practice, it can be unlearned.
Why Body Checking Happens in Eating Disorder Recovery
Body checking isn’t about vanity or self-obsession. It’s about control, reassurance, and safety.
For many people, body checking became a coping strategy during an eating disorder – a way to reduce anxiety, monitor change, or feel a sense of certainty. Even after food behaviors improve, the checking habit often lingers because the nervous system is still learning trust.
Understanding this matters, because you don’t stop body checking by shaming yourself. You stop it by responding differently.
1. Notice Body Checking and Name It
The first step in stopping body checking is awareness.
Most people body check automatically. The moment you notice it, gently name it:
“I’m body checking right now.” “This is a checking urge.”
No judgment. No analysis.
Naming the behavior creates separation between you and the habit. And that separation is what allows change to happen.
2. Disengage From the Behavior
Once you notice body checking, the next step is disengagement — not debating with the eating disorder.
You don’t need to:
reassure yourself
analyze your body
prove anything has changed
Instead, move into the next neutral activity:
brushing your teeth
grabbing your coffee
answering an email
leaving the room
Disengagement teaches your brain that body checking is no longer necessary for safety.
3. Use a Mantra to Reduce the Emotional Charge
Body checking often comes with anxiety or urgency. A mantra helps calm the nervous system and interrupt the loop.
One powerful option:
“I choose not to objectify myself right now.”
Other supportive mantras include:
“My body does not need monitoring.”
“This thought does not require action.”
“I return to myself.”
Mantras aren’t about positivity. They’re about grounding and choice.
4. Shift From Judgment to Awareness of Judgment
A key recovery skill is learning to observe thoughts without believing them.
Instead of: “My stomach looks huge.”
Try: “I’m noticing that I’m judging my stomach.”
Instead of: “I hate how my body looks today.”
Try: “I’m aware that my mind is criticizing my body.”
This shift reduces the power of body image thoughts and builds psychological flexibility – a core part of eating disorder recovery.
How Body Checking Decreases Over Time
Body checking fades as safety increases.
Each time you:
notice the urge
disengage without panic
choose awareness over judgment
you weaken the habit loop.
Progress isn’t about never body checking again. It’s about responding differently when it happens.
A Final Reminder
Your body is not a problem to manage or monitor. It is not something you have to constantly check in order to be okay.
Learning how to cope with body checking in recovery takes time, consistency, and compassion. And every small interruption of the habit is a step toward freedom.
You are not behind. You are learning. And that matters.
As the calendar turns and the world collectively whispers “New Year, New You,” it can feel like there’s pressure to reinvent yourself overnight. The diet industry roars to life, promising transformation if you just follow their rules. Social media is filled with lists of resolutions that look impossible to obtain rather than anything supportive or sustainable.
But here’s the truth: you don’t need a new you. You need a gentler relationship with the you that’s already here.
And that’s why this year, instead of making resolutions, I want to invite you to make intentions.
Resolutions Are Rigid. Intentions Are Rooted.
Resolutions often sound like:
“I will stop…”
“I will finally…”
“This year I must…”
They tend to be all-or-nothing, fueled by dissatisfaction and self-judgment. And for someone healing their relationship with food, body, or self, rigid goals can echo the same perfectionism your eating disorder once demanded.
Intentions, on the other hand, meet you exactly where you are. They’re rooted in values, not pressure. They guide rather than control. They support growth rather than demand achievement.
Resolutions say: “You’re not enough – fix it.” Intentions say: “What changes can you make to improve on who you are already?”
Why Intentions Support Recovery
Intentions allow for flexibility, self-compassion, and attunement – three qualities that strengthen recovery instead of sabotaging it.
Intentions evolve with you. If your capacity shifts (because life does that), your intention shifts, too. No failure attached.
Intentions build inner trust. They encourage tuning inward rather than outsourcing your worth to a checklist.
Intentions dismantle the “start over Monday” trap. There’s no starting over – only returning, without judgment, to what you care about.
Intentions work with your nervous system, not against it. Rigid goals activate threat. Intentions activate presence.
How to Create Heart-Centered Intentions for the New Year
Here are prompts to help you move into the new year with clarity instead of criticism:
Let your intention rise from the feeling, not the outcome.
2. “What values do I want to live from?”
Joy, rest, courage, honesty, freedom, compassion – choose what aligns with your healing.
3. “What tiny practices move me closer to that?”
Instead of “I’ll stop body checking,” the intention becomes: “I intend to treat my body with curiosity instead of judgment.”
Instead of “I’ll eat perfectly,” try: “I intend to nourish myself consistently and gently.”
Instead of “I’ll be confident,” maybe: “I intend to speak to myself with kindness.”
Small shifts → big change.
Examples of Recovery-Aligned Intentions
I intend to choose compassion over criticism.
I intend to come back to myself when I feel overwhelmed.
I intend to nourish my body without negotiation.
I intend to rest without guilt.
I intend to let my worth be inherent, not earned.
I intend to take up space – emotionally, physically, spiritually.
These are not rules. They are reminders of who you are becoming.
A Final Note: You Don’t Need to Earn a New Year
There is nothing about you that needs to shrink, harden, or start over on January 1st.
Whether you’re actively in recovery, solid in your healing, or somewhere in between, the turning of the year isn’t a test. It’s simply an invitation.
Not to change who you are – but to live more fully in the truth of who you’ve always been.
This year, set intentions that honor your humanity, not resolutions that punish it. Set goals that breathe. Set goals that bend. Set goals that feel like coming home.
Recovery doesn’t require you to have a perfect holiday. It just asks you to stay connected to yourself. Give yourself permission to have mixed feelings: joy, grief, nostalgia, overwhelm, excitement. They can all coexist, and you’re doing nothing wrong.
2. Build in Predictable Nourishment
If holiday meals feel chaotic, create your own internal consistency:
Stick to your regular eating pattern
Add snacks between holiday events
Bring something you enjoy if that helps Structure supports safety, not restriction.
3. Plan for Triggers (They Don’t Mean You’re Failing)
Holiday triggers are normal:
Comments about bodies
Conversations about diets
Relatives “observing” your plate
Old family dynamics
Have scripts ready:
“I’m focusing on being present, not on food talk today.”
“Let’s talk about something more meaningful.”
“I’m good, thank you.”
Your boundaries are not rude. They’re self-respect.
4. Choose Moments of Presence
Joy doesn’t have to come from the food or the festivities – it can come from small grounding anchors:
The smell of pine
Warm socks
A laugh from someone you love
A quiet 2-minute breathing break
Candlelight You don’t need to be fully present to enjoy something — micro-moments count.
5. Give Yourself Permission to Participate Without Performing
You don’t need to: -look a certain way -eat a certain way -act extra cheerful -pretend nothing is hard
You just need to show up as the version of you that can exist today. That is more than enough.
6. Connect With Your Support System
Before events: “Here’s my plan.” During: Send a grounding text if things feel overwhelming. After: Debrief and receive validation. Recovery thrives in connection – especially during emotionally charged seasons.
7. Make Space for Grief Without Letting It Steal the Show
You might grieve:
Old traditions tied to the ED
Lost time
A body that is changing
Holidays that once felt easier
Grief is not a step backward — it’s evidence of healing.
8. Create Your Own Traditions (Even Tiny Ones)
When old traditions feel dysregulated, make new ones that feel safe:
Holiday movie in bed
Hot cocoa with a friend
Sending cards
Night drive to look at lights
Quiet journaling before the day begins Recovery allows you to reclaim what holidays feel like for you.
9. Remember: Nourishing Yourself Is Not Indulgence – It’s Care
Food is culturally abundant during the holidays – but recovery asks you to honor nourishment not as a “reward,” but as a basic human need. You are not doing anything wrong by eating. You are sustaining your physical and emotional self.
10. Let Joy In — Even If It Feels Small or Brief
You deserve: – A holiday where your life is bigger than the eating disorder -A moment of laughter that isn’t guilt-backed -Warmth, connection, sweetness, presence -Joy that feels “imperfect” still counts. So does joy that lasts 30 seconds.
A closing reminder:
You don’t have to enjoy every moment of the holidays to belong here. Being in recovery during the holidays is brave. Every choice to nourish yourself, to show up, to rest, to set a boundary, to ask for support – that is what makes this season meaningful.
For many people, Thanksgiving is a day filled with warmth, laughter, and gratitude. But if you’re in recovery from an eating disorder, it can also bring up waves of anxiety, guilt, or even dread. A day that’s centered around food, family, and social expectations can feel like the perfect storm for old thoughts and fears to resurface.
If that’s you – you’re not alone. You don’t need to push those feelings away or pretend you’re fine. Instead, you can reframe what Thanksgiving means to you this year.
1. Redefine What the Day Is About
It’s easy to believe that Thanksgiving is only about the food – but that’s a cultural story, not a truth. The heart of the day is about connection, gratitude, and presence.
Instead of focusing on the meal, ask yourself:
Who do I feel safe and comfortable connecting with?
What small things am I truly grateful for today?
How can I nurture peace in myself, regardless of what’s on the table?
When you shift your focus from the food to the meaning, you reclaim your power.
2. Release the Pressure to Be “Normal”
You might notice thoughts like, “Everyone else seems fine around food – why can’t I be?” Recovery isn’t about being “normal.” It’s about being honest – with yourself and your needs.
It’s okay to make your plate look different. It’s okay to take breaks. It’s okay to cry, breathe, or call a friend who understands. You’re not failing recovery if you still struggle on holidays. You’re practicing it – in real time, with courage.
3. Protect Your Peace
Boundaries are self-care in action. You don’t have to engage in conversations that feel unsafe, especially around body comments or diet talk. Try gentle phrases like:
“I’m focusing on enjoying the company today.”
“Let’s talk about something other than food or weight.”
Or simply excuse yourself to take a breather.
You deserve to feel safe, even in a room full of triggers. Protecting your peace isn’t selfish – it’s sacred.
4. Practice Gratitude Differently
Gratitude doesn’t have to be a forced list of positives. It can be quiet, subtle, and real. Maybe it’s being grateful that you’re showing up for yourself differently this year. Maybe it’s the comfort of your favorite sweater, a deep breath, or the courage to eat something that once felt impossible.
Even the smallest moments of self-compassion are worth celebrating.
5. Remember: You’re Allowed to Make This Day Your Own
Thanksgiving doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s version. You can create new traditions that align with your recovery – a walk in nature, journaling about your progress, watching a movie that makes you laugh, or sharing gratitude for non-food joys.
Recovery gives you the freedom to choose how you honor yourself, even on a day that once felt heavy.
A Closing Thought
Recovery doesn’t erase the hard moments – it transforms how you meet them. This Thanksgiving, let yourself show up as you are. You don’t need to earn your place at the table. You already belong there, exactly as you are.
Every step you take toward peace – even the smallest one – is something to be truly thankful for.
Recovery is often painted as a purely joyful experience – a celebration of freedom, health, and peace. And while that’s absolutely true, there’s another side that rarely gets talked about: grief.
Yes – it’s okay to grieve your eating disorder.
The Paradox of Recovery
When you’ve lived with an eating disorder, it can feel like a constant companion – destructive, yes, but also familiar. It might have felt like:
A way to cope with pain or anxiety
A sense of control when life felt chaotic
A source of identity, belonging, or purpose
So when you begin to heal, you’re not just losing behaviors – you’re losing a part of how you’ve survived. It’s natural to feel sadness, emptiness, or even nostalgia for what once “worked,” even if it was harming you.
This doesn’t mean you want to go back. It means you’re human.
Grief Is Not a Sign of Relapse – It’s a Sign of Healing
Grieving your eating disorder is part of letting it go. Just like any ending – a relationship, a chapter, a version of yourself – it takes time to process. You might feel:
Conflicted (“Why do I miss something that hurt me?”)
Guilty (“I should be grateful, not sad”)
Lonely (“No one understands this part of recovery”)
But acknowledging these feelings makes space for something new – for you to emerge without the disorder’s shadow.
What You’re Really Letting Go Of
You’re not grieving calories or scales. You’re grieving:
The illusion of safety
The false sense of control
The identity you built around “being sick”
The coping mechanism that once kept unbearable feelings at bay
And beneath that grief is a tender truth: you’re learning to meet those same needs – for safety, control, and belonging – in healthy, life-affirming ways.
Finding Meaning in the Grief
Allow yourself to feel it all. Cry if you need to. Journal. Talk to your therapist or recovery coach. The more you allow grief to move through you, the less it stays in you.
As you heal, you may notice glimpses of gratitude – not for the eating disorder, but for the strength it took to survive, and the courage it takes to move forward.
Grief is love with nowhere to go – until you direct it toward your own becoming.
You’re Not Losing Yourself — You’re Finding You
It’s okay to miss the false comfort of the disorder. But remember: you are not the eating disorder. You are the one who endured it. You are the one choosing freedom, again and again. And that – even with tears in your eyes – is the truest kind of healing.
There’s a saying that “thoughts are not facts.” And it’s true – even though they often feel convincing, thoughts are simply mental events that come and go. They rise up like waves, roll through your awareness, and fade – unless you hold on to them.
Thoughts Are Meant to Move
Think of your thoughts like:
Waves of the ocean – some are calm, some crash, but all eventually recede.
Trains at a station – they come and go, and you get to choose which one you board.
Leaves in a stream – if you let them drift, the water keeps flowing. But if you cling to them, everything gets stuck.
When we’re struggling – especially in recovery – it’s easy to mistake every thought for truth. “Maybe I don’t deserve to eat.” “I’m too much.” “I can’t handle this.” But those thoughts aren’t facts. They’re passing stories, shaped by fear, old patterns, and pain.
You can observe them without obeying them. You can notice them without needing to fix or fight them.
Emotions Are the Same Way
Here’s something many people don’t know: the physical sensation of an emotion in your body lasts about 90 seconds. After that, what keeps it going is the story you attach to it – the replaying, analyzing, and reinforcing.
Sadness turns into despair when you keep feeding it. Fear turns into panic when you keep imagining the worst. Guilt turns into shame when you keep repeating, “I should’ve done better.”
The key isn’t to suppress your emotions – it’s to let them move through you. To breathe. To feel the wave crest and fall. To know: “This, too, will pass.”
In Recovery, Movement Is Healing
When you stop trying to shrink or silence your feelings – and instead allow them – you create space for healing. You learn that no emotion will destroy you. You begin to trust your inner resilience. And slowly, your thoughts and emotions stop being something to fear – they become guides, messengers, even waves you can ride safely to shore.
Takeaway: You are not your thoughts. You are not your emotions. You are the awareness underneath them – the steady ground that stays when the waves pass through.
