If you’re in recovery and thinking,
“Why do I feel worse now that I’m trying to get better?”
I want you to know something right away:
Nothing has gone wrong.
This is actually part of the process.
I know that might not make it feel easier – but it does make it make sense.
Let’s talk about why recovery can feel so hard at first.
1. You’re Taking Away Your Coping Mechanism
Your eating disorder didn’t just show up randomly.
It served a purpose.
It helped you:
- Cope with overwhelming emotions
- Feel in control
- Numb out
- Feel “good enough” (even if temporarily)
So when you start recovery, you’re not just “eating more” or “stopping behaviors.”
You’re losing your primary way of coping.
Of course that feels worse.
It’s like taking the training wheels off before you’ve learned how to balance yet.
2. Your Feelings Come Back Online
When the eating disorder quiets down, your emotions get louder.
Suddenly you might feel:
- Anxiety after eating
- Shame around your body
- Anger, sadness, loneliness
- Fear of weight gain
- A deep sense of discomfort in your own skin
And you might think:
“I was doing better before…”
But here’s the truth:
You weren’t feeling less…
You were feeling less aware.
Recovery brings you back into your body.
And that can feel intense at first.
3. Your Brain Thinks You’re in Danger
Your brain is wired to keep you safe – not recovered.
So when you:
- Eat more
- Rest more
- Gain weight
- Stop compensating
Your brain can sound the alarm.
You might hear thoughts like:
- “This isn’t safe.”
- “You’re losing control.”
- “Go back to what worked.”
This isn’t truth.
This is your survival brain misfiring.
Recovery often feels worse because your brain is literally saying:
“Abort mission.”
4. You’re Challenging Long-Held Beliefs
Recovery asks you to question things like:
- “My worth is tied to my weight”
- “Smaller = better”
- “I have to be perfect to be loved”
And that can feel… destabilizing.
Because if those beliefs aren’t true, then:
Who are you without them?
That identity shift can feel scary, messy, and uncertain.
But it’s also where freedom lives.
5. You’re Building New Neural Pathways
Every time you:
- Eat when your ED says don’t
- Rest when your ED says push
- Choose recovery over control
You are literally rewiring your brain.
And new pathways feel uncomfortable at first.
Think about it like this:
Old path = automatic, familiar, “safe”
New path = awkward, uncertain, uncomfortable
But over time?
The new path becomes the default.
The discomfort fades.
The freedom grows.
6. You’re Letting Go of the “Illusion of Control”
This one is big.
Your eating disorder likely gave you a sense of control.
Recovery asks you to:
- Trust your body
- Trust the process
- Sit in uncertainty
And that can feel like chaos at first.
But here’s the reframe:
It’s not losing control.
It’s learning a different kind of trust.
7. Healing Isn’t Linear (Even Though We Wish It Was)
Some days you’ll feel:
- hopeful
- empowered
- proud
And other days:
- exhausted
- triggered
- like you’re going backwards
Both are part of recovery.
Feeling worse doesn’t mean you’re failing.
It often means you’re doing the deeper work.
What You Actually Need to Hear
If recovery feels harder right now, I want you to hold onto this:
Feeling worse is not a sign to quit.
It’s often a sign that things are shifting.
You are:
- Facing things you used to avoid
- Rewiring your brain
- Learning new ways to cope
- Becoming someone new
That’s not easy work.
But it is life-changing work.
A Gentle Reframe
Instead of asking:
“Why do I feel worse?”
Try asking:
“What is this discomfort making space for?”
Because on the other side of this phase is:
- Peace with food
- Freedom in your body
- Emotional resilience
- A life not ruled by your eating disorder
You didn’t come this far to feel comfortable.
You came this far to be free.
And sometimes…
freedom feels uncomfortable before it feels like freedom.